No More

It is important now to recognize what I took from the experience.

The last year of my life, which briefly included my father, has reinforced and given invaluable meaning to what I already knew: No One Is Alone.

Everything we do affects someone else – and if you are a parent that effect, for better or worse, is profound; a  lifetime blessing or curse.

This insight and wisdom hit me like a ton of bricks as I watched a recent performance of Into The Woods; I sat in the darkened theater with tears in my eyes as the Baker and Mysterious Man, who are father and son, came to the end of their journey – their place of understanding.

Personal Enlightenment – the only force that can heal, requires bravery and dedication to find and accept; it can be excruciatingly painful see ourselves as we truly are – to face all we’ve done, or left undone …

and I have found, sadly, that the more someone needs the lesson – whatever it may be, the easier it is for them to miss it.








Happy Thanksgiving 2015

I’ve thought a lot, in recent weeks, about the direction my blog will take now that the detour chronicling attempt at reconciliation with Ed has reached its inevitable conclusion.  I don’t know what I was thinking in giving him the chance I gave him.  Still, a lot of questions were answered, and that is priceless.

I am well and stable and my life is content, satisfying and drama free; not sure it gets better than that.

I received a Thanksgiving card from my sister yesterday, but have no idea where she’ll be spending the holiday or who she’ll be spending it with.

On what would have been my grandmother’s birthday – 101, my aunt sent my sister and I a text message in which she expressed wonder at what her mother would have thought about the way it has all turned out …

I have no idea.

I think about my own children and my hopes for their future; I want them to know real and sustained happiness.  I want them to feel successful; to know success defined by their own rubric.  I want them to have empathy and respect for all others, and I want them to always treat their family and friends with honor, dignity and integrity.  I want them to truly live; to discover who they are and courageously walk their own path.

I don’t know if my parents ever gave thought to how they hoped it would all turn out, and I don’t know if their parents did either, but I suspect many of my hopes for my children are Universal.

The holidays and sentimental moments, such as remembering your mother on what would have been her 101st birthday, make us all think – I suspect even Pat and Ed may stop to ponder over all they have lost on such occasions …

but the time to consider and contemplate the direction you will go in as parent and child – forever, is before your children are born.

And so, this Thanksgiving …

I am thankful I understood that long before I ever considered becoming a father.