Lewd and Lascivious

What follows is Ed’s account of the incident and subsequent charges he faced for sexually molesting my sister’s fourteen year old friend.  I have omitted her name for her privacy and protection.

Her account and Ed’s account of this tragedy are similar, but differ in key areas: she was ruthlessly grilled by Ed’s attorney, and his sexual impropriety did not stop with his fondling her breasts and masturbating. Both she and Ed agree the act was non-consensual.

A few more comments follow, The Story

I received the following email from Ed on October 28, 2014

“This is a very static rendition of what happened from my view. Not much emotion, but for me was the easist [sic] way to write it.

E

Lewd and Lascivious- the story

This was another of the things I had to resolve within myself, separate from what I did to you. As a matter of fact this charge was what got me into therapy, for my second time, after being relased [sic] from jail. It was Court Ordered

.

This happened one night when (name omitted for her privacy and protection) and Elizabeth were staying at my apartment, because they were going on a school field trip very early the next morning and I was going as a chaperone. [sic] I had been out all day and when I came home they were both dressed for bed and were going to sleep in my waterbed while I was going to sleep on the couch. I still don’t understand what ever possessed me to move from the couch to the waterbed, but I did and got on top of the covers between the two of them. During the night I fondled (name omitted) breasts and masturbated. I don’t remember if I stayed there the rest of the night or moved back to the couch.

The next day on the field trip (name omitted) didn’t talk with me at all. I often wondered if Elizabeth felt lost that I would molest (name omitted) and not her. The following night or the night after I received a call while at a meeting in Sacramento, to come immediately to Pat’s house. When I got there I found Pat, Elizabeth, and my current girlfriend there (I’m not sure if you were there or not) and was told that (name omitted) had told her parents I had raped her. I went over to (name omitted) house with my girlfriend to confront her. I don’t exactly remember how that went, but I’m very sure “not well”.

Shortly thereafter, I received notice I was being charged with rape and being sued. At that time I got a lawyer and met with (name omitted), her mother, and their attorney for a deposition. This was the only time (name omitted) was interviewed or examined. She was never put on a stand in count. The attorneys negotiated the charge from Rape down to Lewd and Lascivious with a fine of originally $100,000 (this was negotiated down to $10,000 which I paid), charged as a misdemeanor and without the need to register as a “sex offender”. The agreement was I would pled [sic] “No Contest” to lewd and lascivious conduct without a court trial on a rape charge and be open to a civil suit for damages (see above).

I was found guilty and sentenced to 1 year in jail, of which I served 9 months with 3 years’ probation and court ordered counseling. Later on these records were expunged and sealed.

This sounds so sterile, but it is the “facts” as I remember them”

 

I have been deeply disturbed by this email since I received it, but this quote:

“I often wondered if Elizabeth felt lost that I would molest (name omitted) and not her.”

There are no words to explain how that makes me feel; what kind of father would wonder that?  What kind of man? … that is incest, actually incestuous rape, he is speaking of.

No sane father’s thoughts would wander … there.

And the father in me feels compelled to point out that if you sexually assaulted my daughter, the last place in the world you’d want to be is at my house.   I’m sure it did go, “not well.”

His thoughts and actions, then and now, are, to my mind, creepy, vile, disordered and disconcerting.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

A Conclusion:

A non-linear background:  Close to four years ago, in the midst of recovery but already emotionally stable, I reached out to the woman Ed raped when she was a child.  I had no idea if she would return my call, and I certainly didn’t want to cause her emotional pain or distress, but I needed answers only she could provide.

And provide them she did.

By this point, I had had three psychiatrists and three therapists – including those who treated me during a brief out-patient hospitalization – all share with me their belief that I was sexually abused as a child …

To this day I don’t remember being sexually abused … but I do recognize that beatings given in the way my parents, particularly Ed, gave them are a form of ritualized sexual abuse, and that only a sadist could actually do what Ed did to me time and time again; the beatings were perverse and I’ve come to believe, in large part due to admissions he made in our email correspondence, they were sexually gratifying for him to give.

Diagnostically, my medical team also took into consideration Ed’s conviction of Lewd and Lascivious Acts With a Minor, and my sister and mother’s allegations that Ed had molested both Elizabeth and Janet when suggesting I had endured sexual abuse …

and they stated there were probably more I didn’t know about; sexual abusers do not usually have a single victim – (Bill Cosby, anyone?) which I learned was true when I began speaking to my aunt Bev again.  Secrets in abusive families are dark, deep, tangled and common.

And I could not ignore the fact that my illness is consistent with sexual abuse in childhood …

So I reached out to the woman Ed raped when she was a child.  She is pretty amazing.  She was honest and forthright as she shared with me the details of what was the worst moment of her life.  Speaking to me was difficult for her on many levels, but she was gentle, and as kind as she could be, in telling me what a monster my father is.  She believed she had to speak to me – had to answer my questions because I had to know what Ed was capable of doing to a child just in case there were children in his life currently.  She asked how Elizabeth was, and wished her well, and she was very glad to learn Ed had no contact with his grandchildren.  She spoke with complete emotional candor that reduced us both to tears …

When Ed and I began speaking (emailing) he was reluctant to share with me the details of his depraved act against this innocent young girl, claiming this incident had no impact on my life – my growing up or my childhood.  (yes, he really said this) When I finally insisted he speak to me about it, he told the story from a very cold and sterile perspective, a  perspective that considered ONLY his feelings — what she must have felt wasn’t even a mention in his narrative.  His facts were similar to hers, but only to a point; he raped her; he took something from her that was not his to take.  She was victimized and sexually violated, and she has lived with the consequences of his actions every day since then.

In conclusion:

I believe in fact, evidence and science.  The case against Ed is pretty damning, and there has been no redemption, no change in heart or soul that I have witnessed.

I remain fearful for the young children now in his life, but I am thankful Elizabeth and I weren’t foolish enough to allow him a place in the lives of our own children.

I understand now that Pat’s motivation – making me hate my father – does not mean that what she said about Ed isn’t true.

I will never know all of what happened to me, or my sisters, when we were children;  I’m strangely OK with that, for now; however, I would still welcome the answers to questions no child should ever have to ask.

There will likely never be a complete conclusion.

Rape

My ACE score is 8 – well the score I will claim is 8 – but I know it should be  9; beatings like those I received from both parents are, in fact, a form of ritualized sexual abuse.

The ONLY adverse event I didn’t experience:  I didn’t witness my parents abusing each other.

My father even went to prison – not for abusing me, though he should have gone to prison for that – he  actually went to prison for Lewd and Lascivious Acts with a Minor, a charge he plead down from the original charge of rape:

It was rape, make no  mistake.

She was fourteen years old, and a friend of my sister’s.  After my parent’s divorce, Ed lived in an apartment not far from our house.  My sister and her friend decided to spend the night with Ed.  Ed had only one bed, so he decided to sleep between the girls.

After my sister had fallen asleep, Ed raped her friend.

He, during trial, allowed his attorney to rake this terrified young girl over the coals – insisting that she had seduced him, and was more than willing.

She was fourteen, he was an adult.  NOTHING about what happened was HER fault.  NOTHING.

Sleeping between his daughter and her friend?  Dear God, who in their right mind would think this was OK?

He bears ALL responsibility for the events of that evening, even if she did seduce him.

A child CANNOT consent to sex.  Period.

This event had a catastrophic effect of me – it was the first time I really questioned anything about my parents.

We lived in a small town – everyone knew.  I remember Ed trying to calm my anger, outrage, horror and embarrassment by assuring me that when he got out of prison he would have his record expunged and it would be like it never even happened.

He didn’t understand , or care, that my problems went far deeper than just profound embarrassment; my father had raped a child!  All he could think of was himself, clearing his name; ‘Like it never happened.’ He kept saying that over and over, ‘like it never happened.’  It became a twisted and perverse mantra.

While in prison, he got a six hour pass to attend my high school graduation.  He didn’t care that I did not want him there – I couldn’t face what he had done, didn’t want to face him.  Didn’t want friends to see him there …

He used graduation as a platform to proclaim his victory – despite everything he’d been through, he was still there for his son.  It was sicker than sick.  I hated him then.

He wrote me letters from prison, letters I never answered – I didn’t know how to answer.  He used me as his sounding board, detailing the inhumane conditions – the process of ‘dehumanization’ as he called it.

What was I supposed to feel?  Compassion?  Empathy?  Mercy?  He certainly hadn’t taught me those things … and even if he had, I couldn’t have felt them for him, he deserved to be where he was – in fact, he deserved far worse than he got.

About two years ago, I contacted the girl he raped.  The internet is an amazing tool I don’t think Ed counted on when building his new life. Finding her was easy — so even though Ed had his record expunged, records do exist, and they are damning as all hell.

He is the king of manipulation; he can make almost anyone believe any story he tells.

It has been more than thirty years since I had any kind of relationship with him, but I still know him; people don’t change, not fundamentally. And really, why should Ed change?

His gift is manipulation, no need to be a decent person when you can simply make the world believe you are ….

He has gotten away with everything.

 

*****  Today, the law prohibits having this type of crime expunged.  If Ed committed this crime today, the arrest and conviction would be part of his permanent record, AND HE WOULD BE REQUIRED TO REGISTER AS A SEX OFFENDER. *****